Real Talk, Real Moms | Self Care

The number one reason I delayed having a child is because I still felt like a child myself.

Even now, I struggle with adulthood -- buckling down and doing the things I don't like to do but need to do is a huge struggle. This past week I sat at my computer for a whole day itemizing all my business expenses for my taxes and hating every second of it. I wish I had done it little by little each week over the past year.

Even self care can be difficult at times. I know I need to plan healthy meals, make time to exercise, get my hair cut, clean my house. Instead I become absorbed with the things that seem more urgent. Perhaps this is what makes me a good business owner -- my desire to take care of my clients usually takes precedence over my own needs. Before I became a mom, this tendency would usually balance itself out. I would have slow seasons of work or take family trips or vacations to de-stress.

After my daughter was born, before I even began taking on much work, I found out how much of a struggle it would be for me to take care of myself. I became hyper-focused on her needs and not my own.

“If I am a mess, I'm not giving anything good to anyone else.” - Emily Scott

Then, before I really allowed myself time to recoup, I started working again. Wedding season waits for no one when you're a wedding photographer. I took on much less work than I had before, but it still seemed to be a monumental task.

Looking back on those first few months of working and being a new mom, I realized that every opportunity I had to take care of myself -- get my nails done, get a haircut, exercise, go to the beach -- was spent working. Working helped me feel more like myself; I loved the opportunity to be back in the space I knew, since motherhood didn't come naturally to me (or so it felt, my hormones were playing games with my head), but my soul was suffering.

After I realized that I was experiencing some serious postpartum anxiety, I tried to find ways to take better care of myself, but it's been a long journey. My anxiety has subsided tremendously, but I still have hard days.

What I'm discovering as a mom is that taking care of myself has to come first. This is very tough to do. My child's needs, my husband's needs, my clients needs -- those are the ones that I feel so very desperate to meet.

What I am coming to realize is, if I am a mess, I'm not giving anything good to anyone else. If I'm up late working on a project, I'm tired and stressed out with my family the next morning. If I don't make time to exercise during my work day I will end up with insomnia that night.

For me, self-care looks like a lot of different things, but most of all, I have to stay in touch with what's going on in my heart. Some days self-care can look like asking for extra help. It can mean asking my husband to shift his work hours so I can go to the gym in the morning. It can be allowing myself the grace to buy a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store for dinner instead of trying to cook something from scratch.

I cannot be all things to everyone, but I really try to, and it doesn't serve anyone well. I'm still working on this. What helps is the encouragement from my friends who tell me I deserve a break. I find that I don't allow myself enough of that grace!

I love that this conversation continues with the other moms in this Real Moms Series; I'm looking forward to reading their thoughts on this.

I would also love to hear from you, even if you're not a mom -- what do you do to prioritize taking care of yourself? What's the best thing you do for your soul?

XO,