The Refined Woman

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How to Get Real Results Online Dating

Katherine Harris

I know. You want to meet your person organically. Online dating can be exhausting and discouraging. Not to mention, if you’re like me, and you love God, but are really working some stuff out, perhaps deconstructing too. Meeting someone in that in-between space who shares your faith and values, who is ready for a relationship, and where there’s mutual interest and attraction? It can feel like you’re looking for a four-leaf clover. I get it. Truly. I’m 36 years old, single and actively putting myself out there online and in-person. And I’ll be real; dating in today’s culture isn’t for the faint of heart. 

But here’s the reality, people are meeting and getting married every single day. They’re meeting at airports, bars, bus stops, but more than likely, they’re meeting online. More than half of couples today meet online as opposed to the less than three percent of couples who meet at places of worship. The truth is online dating is here to stay. 

So how do we actually get unstuck? How do we actually meet quality people, who are looking for an actual relationship? How do we know if they’re legit? How do we know if our values and faith are truly in alignment? How do we go from the eternal swiping game to an actual in-person date?

I thought you’d never ask.

First things first: what dating app actually gets results?

Currently my go-to app is Upward. Here’s why:

  1. It’s a faith based app. So if you’re a person of faith who wants to find someone who is in alignment with your faith and values; Upward is for you.

  2. It’s full of people looking for meaningful relationships that will lead to marriage. No hookups!

  3. Upward is also inclusive and affirming for all Christians, which really matters to me. Not a lot of faith-based apps are.

  4. Questions on the app allow you to do a deep dive into who you are, why your faith matters, and what it is that you’re really looking for.

  5. Go ahead and download Upward for free here.

Now, how do you set your profile apart? The more you can fully show up as who you are, what matters to you, and how you’re wired, the more quality matches you’ll attract.


The #1 Thing That Will Set Apart Your Online Dating Profile

  1. CLARITY

    • What are you looking for? (casual, serious, in between) What matters to you? Why is your faith important to you? What lights you up? What do you love to do? What are your expectations? Part of showing up authentically online is first creating space in your life to get to know yourself. Only when we truly know who we are, can we genuinely put that out there. Take time to move through these questions, and then allow them to shape your profile.

Moving on, the average person stays on a dating profile for less than 60 seconds. You have to make your profile count and it starts with that first profile pic.


3 Pics That Will Up Your Profile Game

  1. The Bachelor Opener.

    This should be you smiling, eyes direct to camera, 3/4 body. Literally google ‘the bachelor contestant photos and you’ll see what I mean.

    1. The Everyday You.

      What do you look like in your day-to-day life? Are you a jeans, t-shirt, and a ball cap kind of person? Let us see you in your every day element. It’s also fun to throw in a shot of you more dressed up too. Read: I’m not saying your LinkedIn profile pic. This is a date, not a job interview friend. But if you have a shot of you dressed up for say a holiday party or a wedding—definitely upload it!

    2. Show don’t Tell.

      Do you like skiing, love your dog, are super into yoga? Show us. Don’t have any photos like this? Grab a friend, and run around town taking pictures of each other on your phone doing things you love to do.

The caveat with photos is these should be up-to-date. Let people know who you are now. There’s nothing worse than showing up to a date and feeling like the person wasn’t being upfront with who they are and what they look like currently. 

I know I’ve thrown a lot your way, but if you want to take any of this further, here are a few resources for you:

Finally, I want you to know I see you. You are not alone! I am believing for breakthrough in your love life in this next season. I am here to encourage you, be your cheerleader, remind you that you are not alone in this online dating world process.

XO,

Kat Harris