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Friendly warning: We will be talking about delicate topics today so if you have little ears around you, maybe pop in those headphones or give it a listen when you have some alone time!

I have the honor of talking with Tiffany Bluhm this week (her second time on the podcast— listen to our conversation about consent here) and we are doing a deep dive into some real talk this week. We’re discussing what we’ve been taught about our roles as women, both in culture AND in the church. Specifically, Ephesians 5 and how it has been taken out of context and weaponized to silence women.

What happens when women hold power?

• “When women are in power, everyone wins— not just women.”

• “The patriarchy has no roots in the gospel… not one. But we’ve weaponized both the old and new testament to convince us otherwise.”

• Tiffany and I both share our experiences and what we’ve been taught by the church about our roles as women.

The chasm between the God of the bible and the church narratives

• Moments when women are empowered in the Bible

  • Solomon’s wife in the Song of Songs

  • Queen Esther in the Old Testament

  • Ruth proposing to Boaz

  • Proverbs 31

  • Lydia in the New Testament

• Unfortunately, there are also moments of the patriarchy at its peak

  • Tamar or Hagar in the Old Testament

The sexualization of women

• “The most neglected person in America is the black woman.” - Malcolm X

• Women are sexualized from an alarmingly young age.

  • “Only girls’ fashions urge body consciousness at the very youngest ages. . . . Preschoolers worship Disney princesses, characters whose eyes are larger than their waists. No one is trying to convince eleven-year-old boys to wear itty-bitty booty shorts or bare their bellies in the middle of winter. . . . The pressure on young women to reduce their worth to their bodies and to see those bodies as a collection of parts that exist for others’ pleasure” and “to continuously monitor their appearance” - Peggy Orenstein, Girls and Sex

• Most girls will be sexually harassed by the time they are in middle school.

Ephesians 5:21-5:33

• This scripture passage has been weaponized to oppress women.

• “It’s dangerous to take things out of context.”

• Women were treated as property in that time— Paul was quoting the cultural expectations for that time.

• It’s important to note that it also mentions that men should lay down their lives for her. To love her. That was radical.

• When we contextualize it, Ephesians 5 is an invitation for mutual love and support.

• “Look what can happen when women and men work together, when you really see each other as equals. Look at the world you can create together… What if we could flourish together?”

Resources

• Keep up with Tiffany at TiffanyBluhm.com and on IG at @tiffanybluhm.

• Pre-order Tiffany’s book, Prey Tell: Why We Silence Women Who Tell the Truth and How Everyone Can Speak Up, here.

• Check out Tiffany’s previous books, Never Alone and She Dreams.

• Listen to the podcast Tiffany co-hosts with Ashley Abercrombie, Why Tho?

• Check out Tiffany’s reel we chat about here.

• Check out Tiffany’s first episode of The Refined Collective here.

To honor Black History Month, I am spending time this month talking about companies and organizations that I love that are run and founded by Black men and women. This week, I want to share about Elevate NY, a non-profit with a mission to build long-term life-changing relationships with the youth in the South Bronx, the most underserved congressional district in the nation. Go to ElevateNewYork.org to find out how you can get involved.

For $5/month, you can get access to exclusive video content for Patreon subscribers. Like… how to answer the question “why are you still single?” How to know if your standards are too high. And an update on my dating life. YUP! There will be a new video every week just for Patreon subscribers. Don’t miss out! Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to learn more and sign up!

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