DECONSTRUCTION Part I: 3 Books that have been lifelines in my journey

For years now, I have been in the process of deconstruction and disentangling myself from Christian culture in order to find who I really am. I have asked myself questions like, "What do I really believe?" "Who is God?" and "Does the Bible have to be true to be true?"

These are questions that have challenged me to my core. They have ripped the rug from beneath me, and been disorienting and lonely. Sometimes in this process it’s felt like I can’t tell up from down—left from right…but then I’d find these pockets of solace in relief in reading other peoples stories. People further alone the journey offering me hope, reminding me I’m not crazy, and maybe more importantly that I’m not alone.

Over the last few years, I have read close to 100 books in search of answers and support in my process. These three books sorta kickstarted my journey. Here’s why I love them.

1. "The Bible Tells Me So" by Pete Enns.

In January 2021, I started the year off doing the whole read your Bible in a year plan. I didn’t even get a month in before I had to stop reading it. This was the first time in almost 20 years of my faith journey that reading the Bible felt more harmful than helpful. It was incredibly disorienting. At Bible college, I was taught the earth was made in a literal 7 days, and that every iota of Scripture had to be true to be true. The Bible Tells Me So by Pete Enns was like a candle was lit in a dark room showing me I was not alone. Enns unpacks thoughtfully that not all of the Bible has to be true, to be true. Reading this book felt like such a relief. I never realized how much pressure I was putting on the Bible to be something it never needed to be.

2. "Faith After Doubt" by Brian McLaren.

When I read this book, it was my first ‘light at the end of the tunnel’ moment in my deconstruction journey. The first time I actually thought hey—there’s life after deconstruction + there is faith too. Reading this book felt like I had been in a free fall for ages, and then finally found some solid ground and footing.

3. "The Last Battle" by C.S. Lewis.

This book changed everything for me. And YES it’s a fiction book. And yes it’s the last book in the Chronicles of Narnia Series. Like millions of evangelicals, I’ve viewed CS Lewis as a father of the faith for me. He was smart, intellectual, and “biblically sound”. BUT—LET ME TELL YOU—this guy was a rebel! He believed things that would get him fired from most present-day American churches. His big crime—he didn’t believe in hell or eternal damnation. And how he unpacks his beliefs on this topic in this children’s fiction book is one of the most profound things I’ve ever read.

Now these three books were just a small part of my journey, but they offered me support and guide posts of hope when I needed it most.

Have you read any books that have supported you in your own process of deconstruction? I would love to hear your recommendations!

XO,
Kat