The Refined Woman

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TRC REMIX: Cheating, Ghosting, Finances + Sex with Shaun Galanos

Katherine Harris
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Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

Welcome to the TRC Remix Series #9. If you’re not sure what this series is click here for more info!


For today’s second to last TRC Remix episode we have love coach Shaun Galanos. I freakin’ LOVE this guy. He’s a straight shooter and to the point...which honestly is what we need sometimes in dating. For this episode, we collected some of your top dating questions and answered them for you! We cover everything from cheating to ghosting to finances to ‘how do you know if they’re the one?’ to what to do if you hate online dating. 

“Why do men ghost? Especially if the man asked for my number and texted me.”

  1. They don’t care

  2. They don’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation with you

  3. That’s all they know how to do

  4. They want to ghost you before you ghost them

  5. They want to hurt you/make you sad

  6. They don’t want to hurt your feelings

  7. They feel guilty




“How do I manage finances in relationships when we have different standards of spending habits?”

  • Values around money and debt are important— you should share those values.

  • The money conversation can be a turnoff or red flag for someone if you bring it up early on.




“How do you know if it’s the right person, just the wrong time?”

  • If what you’re really asking is:

    • “Am I making the right choice? Is there better?” Stop overthinking!

    • “I’ve been rejected, but should I just wait for them?” Move on! “If someone says no, take it as a no, believe them, and let the universe sort it out on the back end.”

“Can I build a relationship with someone I used to cheat with?”

  • You can do anything you want in life, but ask yourself “Is this good for me?”

  • There are so many ways to view a situation like this, some are fantasies and some are more riddled with problems.

  • If it’s something you really want to pursue, go to counseling with that person to work on how you can make this relationship better.



“Be honest, have you ever decided not to date a girl because of her ethnicity?”

  • Neither of us have not dated someone because of their ethnicity.

  • I share what I’ve noticed of my own behavior on dating apps when it comes to race and how I’ve been reflecting on that and learning what has influenced that behavior.

“How can I make the first move without being too forward/intimidating as a woman?”

  • “Just do it. Stop sitting on the sidelines hoping that he notices you and just do it.”

  • It’s time to move on from the whole “men are hunters and women are prey” analogy, because guess what? Hunters don’t woo their prey!

  • Ask yourself what’s holding you back— are you afraid of asking because you’re afraid of the answer?



“How do you date in 2020 when you really hate internet dating?”

  • Ask yourself: what did people do before online dating became a thing?

  • Don’t look down on the idea of being set-up!

  • Get used to saying hi to strangers.




“How can I get context when it’s basically over text due to distance?”

  • So I guess we’ve all just forgotten about phone calls, huh? Pick up the phone! You can get so much more context in a conversation when you hear their voice.

  • I know a lot of us feel safer over text, but it’s so incomplete.

  • Always make sure the big conversations are done over the phone or in person.


“I like masturbation, but I’m worried I’m not going to like sex when I get married.”

  • Focus on masturbation now and worry about sex later. If you understand your own pleasure, you are setting yourself up for some really positive experiences with your partner.

  • “Start talking about sex…so that it becomes a natural part of your relationship.”

  • The book Slow Sex by Diana Richardson explores the idea that you should focus on your own pleasure and ask for what you want.

  • ***None of this is possible without communication!****


“You will get more information when you ask for the thing that you want.” 

One of my big takeaways from Shaun is that we have the permission to communicate exactly what we want, need, and desire from day one in any relationship or interaction. 

If you’re unclear where you stand, have a conversation.

If you want to ask someone out, just ask them out.

If you want clarity, ask for it.

I love how Shaun put it in our convo: “You will get more information when you ask for the thing that you want.” 

It may sound scary, but it’s actually so incredibly FREEING.


Resources

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