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I am so thrilled to be back sharing podcast episodes with you after my 4-week break. And I’m even more thrilled to be talking (again) with Sheila Wray Gregoire, the author of The Great Sex Rescue and The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. She was on the podcast last year (listen to it here) and she left us with a cliff hanger and I am glad to be diving deeper into that conversation today. We’re covering everything from defining sex to the orgasm gap and the sexual response cycle.

The Research

• The fruit of the abstinence message shows that the way we live it out hurts us.

• We discuss the Biblical and historical context for sex and marriage that most people don’t walk about: protection for the woman.

• People who save sex for their wedding night have 25% more chance of experiencing vaginismus on the wedding night.

Understanding the Sexual Response Cycle

• Your body can’t reach the orgasm stage without first reaching the excitement stage and then the arousal stage, and the plateau stage.

  • For women, these phases are very distinct (and important)

  • For men, these phases are very similar and virtually indistinguishable.

• “When you go straight for the clitoris and she’s not in the arousal stage yet, it feels like a pap smear.” - Sheila Wray Gregoire

• We discuss the difference between what Emily Nagoski calls a “spontaneous libido” vs a “responsive libido.”

  • Spontaneous: desire hits before excitement

  • Responsive: desire hits between excitement and arousal

• Our definition of penetrative sex is very male-focused. 

  • The woman could feel pain, lack of desire, or boredom while a man is penetrating her but it would still count as sex under that definition.

  • We need to develop a definition that captures the mutual pleasure and intimacy we all deserve.

The Orgasm Gap

• 95% of guys always or almost always reach orgasm in a sexual encounter, whereas that number for women is 48%.

• The women who do reach orgasm have found that foreplay is required and also found that other routes were more reliable.

“You matter just as much as he does and you were created to flourish just as much as he was… Your sex life does not have to revolve around what he wants.” -Sheila Wray Gregoire

Resources:

• Grab a copy of Sheila’s new book, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, here.

• Grab a copy of Sheila’s book, The Great Sex Rescue, here.

• Listen to TRC Ep 180: Church + Sex: How Did We Get It So Wrong? with Sheila Wray Gregoire

• Join Patreon at the $5/month level to get access to monthly group coaching calls. 

• Join Patreon at the $12/month level to get access to monthly book club Zooms.

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