That’s What He Said: Where Are All the Single Godly Men? With Ben Stuart

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Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

Welcome back to the That’s What He Said series, where I ask men all the questions you’re DYING to know. Last week, we took a short break with the series so I could address the sex scandals that have been exposed recently in the evangelical church. IT’s a hard conversation, but it’s one we need to be having. You can take a listen here.

This week, I’m sharing the conversation I had with Ben Stuart a while back. He is the pastor of Passion City Church DC, but before that he ran a college and singles ministry. Basically, he has worked with a lot of young single Christians. DC is one of the loneliest cities in America and people longing for connection come to his church to find it. We do a deep dive into the question “Where are all of the single Godly men?” plus how you can have a healthy dynamic in male/female friendships.

Where are all of the single Godly men?

There are two levels to this question: physically where are they… and why are they not pursuing me?
He notes the social implications of technology has changed the dating scene. People are losing the personal connection and ability to socialize in person.
Only 12% of single women were asked out in the last year.
“I know great men that are running in the world, and if you get running in a healthy direction, you’re going to see them out there.”
There can be a blame shift that happens when we lament that there are no guys out there.
Around 10% of women ask men out every year—they want to be pursued!

How can you have a healthy dynamic in a male/female friendship?

Friendship is possible, but it’s important to ask yourself and the other person what friendship really means.
“If you say, ‘I want to be friends,’ but any other person’s presence makes you feel threatened… you don’t want to be friends. You want possession.”
Long term, is it worth spending all of your energy on male friendships? When you get married, would you husband be comfortable with them around?
Are we too busy getting all of our micro-needs met by several guy friends to have our needs met by one romantic partner?
“Decoupling commitment and sex damaged both. We lost both.”

Resources

Keep up with Ben on Instagram at @ben_stuart_.
Hear more from Ben on the Passion City Church DC Podcast and YouTube Channel.
Check out Ben’s new book Single, Dating, Engaged, Married: Navigating Life and Love in the Modern Age.
Read Cheap Sex by Mark Regnerus.
Read A Return to Modesty by Wendy Shalit.

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