The Refined Woman

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That's What He Said: Is Asking for a Set-Up Desperate? with Matt Jones

Katherine Harris
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Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

 

Welcome back to the That’s What He Said series, where I ask men all the questions you’re DYING to know. We took a short break last week to cover some important topics around faith and politics during this election. As a little refresher, the last episode of That’s What He Said was with Jeff Johnson. He shared all about how a break can be used for growth, the biggest fears guys have in relationships, and how to discuss porn when the guy you’re dating shares that he struggles with it. Check it out here if you missed it.

 

This week, I’m talking with Matt Jones. This episode is pretty special for a few reasons. Firstly, this is the only episode in the That’s What He Said series that has never been heard before! This conversation is still from the archives, but it was never released. Secondly, Matt is the oldest single guy in this series. I know it can feel exhausting to hear advice from young married people who are encouraging you to trust in God’s timing. Matt is in his late 30s and putting in the work. Since having this conversation, he has entered a serious and committed relationship. I can’t wait for you to hear everything he has to share!

 

What are your feelings on set-ups?

  • I asked everyone on Instagram and it broke. the. internet. so I asked Matt about his thoughts on set-ups as someone who has been set up before.

  • Many women feel shame for asking to be set up because it feels like “I can’t get dates on my own,” which is devastating because set-ups can be SO valuable!

  • Instead of feeling shame when someone tries to set you up, recognize that your reach is limited and people in your circle are able to extend that reach.

 

Do you know what you want?

  • Matt reflects on how at 35, a switch flipped when it came to dating.

  • “As I developed and grew and matured, my priorities changed and my intentions changed.”

  • Living in LA, Matt recognizes that being single is a lot more common— people are pursuing their dreams and careers above marriage and having a family.

  • Having spent so much time dating, he recognizes what he wants in a woman and what a healthy relationship looks like for him. That’s so valuable.

  • “When it comes down to the really important stuff… there’s a lack of connection if you’re not centered in the same place.”

 

Mindset in Singleness

  • Should you pursue or wait on God’s timing? Both.

  • Matt admits that he spent much of his singleness in a pity party and this is what prevented him from finding his person during that time.

  • “Take a really good long look at yourself and see how you might be contributing to your own singleness before putting it on society or culture or the location of where you live, or your age, or your circumstances.”

 

Resources

  

You know how they say it takes a village to raise a kid? Well, this podcast is like my baby. Did you know you could financially support their favorite podcasts for as little as $5/mo. (That’s cheaper than a cup of NYC coffee y’all!) Head over to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective to see how you can support the podcast (and get some pretty awesome goodies as a thank you)!

 

We’ve been diving into some pretty big conversations around dating and what it’s like being single in today’s culture. Maybe you feel uncomfortable connecting with me on IG in a public way, so I created a private Facebook community for single ladies. (P.S. I’m always giving dating advice over there!) Head over to bit.ly/trw-singleladies to join this community of women lifting each other up!