Is Married Sex Better Sex?
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“You can never say, do, or be the wrong thing to the right person.”
— Hugette Montesinos Rodriguez
Hugette Montesinos Rodriguez is the CEO of Disfunkshion Magazine and has worked with thousands of women worldwide spreading her message of living a delicious life as she moves from fear to freedom. She is the most colorful person I know and I’m so excited to be talking with her about sex, specifically married sex, and if it was better because she waited for it.
A Non-Linear Love Story
After 9 months of marriage to her high school sweetheart, Hugette discovered some heartbreaking things that led to divorce.
She recalls turning to God in this season of heartbreak and healing.
“You go from building a life and a future… to all of a sudden your entire foundation being completely destroyed.”
Love Fast
She remembers looking up at the midnight sky on New Year’s Eve promising that for the first 3 months of the year she’d turn all of her thoughts and hopes for love over to God.
She went ziplining in Costa Rica “…and that’s where I met my delicious husband.”
This was in the middle of her love fast, but she ended up connecting with him and he used a really smooth line on her.
As they began connecting more online, she noticed he was committed to God.
Realizing she was getting interested, she was honest with him and told him she needed to not talk to him until April. He respected it.
Unlikely Love
Hugette shares a moment when it felt like God was working in her life in a major way.
After three months, they knew they wanted to get married. They spent a year and a half long distance dating and now they’ve been married for 5 years and have a wonderful 10-month-old baby girl.
In that time, Hugette was clear with him that she wanted to wait until marriage to have sex and his response was what everyone dreams they would hear.
Married Sex
Hugette shares what it was like for her to abstain from sex waiting for marriage when she had had sex in your previous marriage.
She is honest about the fact that sex with her ex-husband was painful and lacking compared to sex with her husband now.
“Every part of it… it’s like a party. It’s a celebration every time. I know I can be free and I can enjoy every bit of it.”
We chat about the difference between external and internal orgasm. The first time she experienced both was with her husband.
“It’s this mind-blowing experience. There’s a reason why this is so sacred. There’s that physical, spiritual, and emotional connection.”
Managing Expectations
There’s so much pressure around the wedding night that their wedding night was actually terrifying. But they were able to have an open conversation about it.
“Don’t go into marriage thinking you’re going to have mind-blowing sex on day one.”
Hugette shares that it’s important to think of more than just attraction.
“If life is this marathon that you’re going to run together, who is going to be your best teammate who is really going to be alongside you?”
She stresses the importance of communication and vulnerability. Tell him what you like.
“When a guy is really that into you, so much of his sense of pleasure and satisfaction comes from seeing the satisfaction in you.”
Resources
Keep up with Hugette at @disfunkshionmag and dsfmag.com
Check out her FREE Radical Joy Toolkit here.
Hugette is launching her Radical Woman Roadmap, a coaching program where she helps women navigate all of these fears to step into a place of freedom.
Listen to Dr. Celeste’s episode: Purity Culture, Painful Sex + Debunking Shame Narrative
Listen to Stephanie May Wilson’s episode: Dating Tips, Deal Breakers and Myths
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Single ladies— do you feel stuck, lonely, discouraged or frustrated by your dating life, or lack thereof? This is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources propelled me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out!
XO,
Kat Harris
