Healing Heartache: How to Overcome Rejection, Break-Ups, + Heartbreak

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“In the midst of chaos, there’s always a place where peace resides. We just have to find our way to it”. 

— Toni Collier 

Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for providing a place for me to record this episode for y’all! No more Brooklyn closet recording!!!

I have the pleasure of talking to Toni Collier this week. She is a speaker, host, consultant, and the founder of a women’s ministry called Broken Crayons Still Color. She helps women process brokenness and move towards hope. (I spoke to her husband Sam Collier a few weeks ago on the podcast— you can listen here.) We had a wonderful conversation all about her process of healing from traumas, our daddy issues (shoutout to Beyonce), and how she moved from divorce to healing and love.

4 Big Hitters to Overcoming Heartbreak

1.     Self-awareness

·       Be honest and confront yourself.

·       Too often, we just survive through traumas. We need to understand that those traumas are not okay and heal from them. We also need to realize that healing isn’t overnight. 

2.     Lean in and do the work: 

·       What’s the bottom of your pit?

·       Because of the pain she endured in childhood, she found herself in situations that caused further trauma and pain.

·       “I turned into this extremely hurt, abused, bitter woman and it was leaking everywhere because our pain can just not stay silent.”

·       Beth Moore was instrumental in Toni’s healing journey.

3.     Go to the root of the trauma.

·       Toni shares the success she had with EMDR and what it does to treat trauma.

4.     If it’s hysterical, it’s historical.

·       Unhealed trauma manifests in the present.

·       “Until we look ourselves in the eyes and become the healthy whole individuals that we want to date and marry, we’re going to perpetuate a cycle of single people roaming the earth.”

5 Quick Heartbreak Hacks 

1.     Unfollow + Block on social. If you think you’ll be tempted to search them, block them!

2.     Community: invite trusted people into the process with you.

3.     What brings you joy?

4.     Self-Care

5.     Back to the basics:

o   Eat well 

o   Sleep well.

o   Move your body.

Replenishment Cycle

·       The key here is to have a reserve of health that you can pull on.

·       Ask yourself, ‘What brings my soul, emotions, and spirit joy?’

o   Quiet time // Check out my 7-day devotional

o   Meditation // Check out my 30-day Bible study and meditation guide

o   Get in nature

o   Take care of yourself: nails, hair, get dressed. “The souls God gave us are inside of the bodies he gave us. We get to take care of them too.”

o   Working out

·       Set up consistency within your replenishment cycle. Commit to the healing process.

·       Now allowed: a text message from someone. “They cannot fill you up.”

Resources

·      Keep up with Toni on Instagram at @tonijcollier.

·      Check out her work with Broken Crayons Still Color at BrknCrayons.com and @brkncrayons on IG.

·      The Hopeful Woman Collective is a private Facebook Group and a space for women to be hopeful that you can join.

·      The Hopeful Woman Course is available here.

·      You can buy Beth Moore’s book, So Long, Insecurity, here.

·      Register for Toni’s FREE 5-Day Broken But Hopeful Challenge here!

·      Listen to Toni’s husband, Sam, on The Refined Collective Podcast here.

·      Because I know it’s probably stuck in your head, here’s Daddy Lessons by Beyoncé.

·       Onsite Workshops in Nashville is another great resource if you want an in-person deep dive into trauma therapy. https://www.onsiteworkshops.com

As a 35-year-old, the one thing I wish I knew in my 20s is that it’s never too early to start taking good care of your skin. I’ve recently become obsessed with Beauty Bio. They have an incredible microneedling tool called the GloPro. It helps create firmer, smoother, and younger looking skin with tighter pores. It’s financially accessible AND time efficient! Go to beautybio.com and check out their GloPro microneedling regeneration tool. Use TRC15 for 15% off your first order.

I am so grateful for my friend Stephanie May Wilson and he her heart to create content to help me walk into a place of God’s presence with trust. She has a new journal called The Between Places: 100 Days to Trusting God When You Don’t Know What’s Next. It’s a prayer journal for seasons of waiting, uncertainty, transitions, and making big decisions. You can pick up your journal at smaywilsonshop.com and use code REFINED for 15% off!