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Thank you Newsstand Studio at 1 Rockefeller Plaza for producing this podcast!!

This week my bestie, Tutti del Monte, is returning for another Dear Diary episode. This time, instead of spending the full episode reading old diary entries, we’re chatting about things we chat about in real life: how to know if you’re a bad kisser and how we define sex differently. Plus, we talk about if I’m still waiting for marriage to have sex and Tutti’s current pause on sex in her relationship.

Wait…am I a good kisser though?

• We talk about the last time we experienced a bad kiss and what we did about it.

• I realize that my lack of communicating my wants is less about not bruising their ego and more about protecting myself.

• “If I have a need or desire and I share my heart with that person, I’m afraid of being too much and then they’ll walk away.” - Kat

Born again virgin? Wait…is that still a *thing*?

• My bestie is not a virgin but she is dating someone who is waiting for marriage and so now she is committed to being on that journey with him as they date.

• “It didn’t register to me as a dealbreaker. It just felt like an opportunity to try something new.” - Tutti

• Tutti still believes in pre-marital sex, but she has found a lot of value in this experience. Here’s what she’s learned:

  • Intimacy can be found outside of the bedroom.

  • It’s very valuable to get to know the person you’re dating before sex.

  • There’s a really beautiful opportunity to get to know yourself in that.

What is Sex though?

• Tutti defines sex as penis in a vagina. “Sex is a word that defines an act and I get to define what act that is. All of the things that happen before sex for me are just fun.” - Tutti

• My definition of sex is becoming more expansive. And in my book I shared that I’ll only be making out until I get married, but here I share that my decision to wait has evolved.

Next week on the podcast, I’m talking with Manwell Reyes on the topic of submission… go to Patreon.com/therefinedcollective and you can watch it now (ad-free) and have access to a ton of other Patreon exclusive content.

Resources

• Listen to the first Dear Diary episode with Tutti here.

• Keep up with Tutti on Instagram at @tuttidelmonte.

• If you need a boudoir photographer, check out budoirbytutti.com.

• Listen to next week’s episode early (and ad-free) here.

• Join Patreon at the $5/month level to get access to monthly group coaching calls. 

• Check out Rockefeller Center on IG at @rockefellercenter and Twitter at @rockcenternyc

If your partner walked into your life today, would you be ready? A few years ago, my friend Stephanie May Wilson created a quiz to help navigate this. It’s called Are You Ready To Meet Your Person? Download it for free at StephanieMayWilson.com/kat.